by Matt | Jun 12, 2003 | Imported Entry
Stupid internet quiz #4528 – ColorQuiz.com – Personality based on color psychology.
Your Existing Situation:
Persistent. Demands what he feels to be his due and endeavors to maintain his position intact.
Your Stress Sources:
Has an unsatisfied need to ally himself with others whose standards are as high as his own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates him and inhibits his readiness to give himself freely. While he wants to surrender and let himself go, he regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, he feels, will lift him above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.
Your Restrained Characteristics:
Wants to broaden his fields of activity and insists that his hopes and ideas are realistic. Distressed by the fear that he may be prevented from doing what he wants; needs both peaceful conditions and quiet reassurance to restore his confidence.
Your Desired Objective:
Needs release from stress. Longs for peace, tranquility, and contentment.
Your Actual Problem:
Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem.
….
Creepy huh. Gee… “needs release from stress”… you don’t say?
by Matt | Jun 12, 2003 | Imported Entry
Job searching mostly. Toss in a little house selling aggravation, a dinner or two, and you’ve got it. My life that is.
The job searching is going alright. Kim Case, out of portsmouth, seems interested in having an assistant. I’ve also applied for a web design job in bedford that I’m really hoping turns into something. To be honest, I feel a little better now than I did a few days ago. The NHPPA (New Hampshire Professional Photographers Assoc.) was very nice to me and nearly every member has suggested different people to talk to and different things to try.
I also unfortunately didn’t have a chance to get the redesign you see now up the 100% level yesterday as I had planned. You see, when you’re selling your house you’re at the mercy of these evil real-estate agents. They called at 11:45 to tell my mom they were coming at 12:30. She calls me at 12:00 and tells me to get out of the house in 20 minutes. Of course I’m in “job search mode” and I’m typing at the computer in my boxer shorts. It was a scramble but I managed to make it out and have lunch with Chip.
I was also told to “do something” for the afternoon since they were coming again at 3:00 and 4:15. Eventually the 3:00 got moved to 6:30 so I had to amuse myself all afternoon. Which I did over at Simpro with Chip and Dave. I brought Chip two hard drives, 30Gs worth total, to be used in Hindenburg (the web server) instead of the 80G I had previously given them. Turns out they don’t need that much space and that 30G will do just fine. So I get the 80G back to put into my machine, bringing my HD total to 180G. Nice.
After hanging out there for a bit we picked up Nick and took Dave with us and headed toward Bedford to drop Dave off. From there we headed to Methuen in hopes of eating and seeing a movie. We wound up only eating at the Macaroni Grill which gave me horrible indigestion the rest of the evening.
Boarders down the street had a copy of the new DJ Tiesto CD and my monthly dose of BPM Magazine which made up for my stomach disapproving of dinner.
So, there you have it. The job search is hopeful, the house selling is aggravating and I’ve got a new webpage design. Today’s plan is to finish the damn intro page, put something on the main page, and to get back to the job search.
Matt out.
by Matt | Jun 12, 2003 | Imported Entry
docholoday: arg. no showing at 3, but it’s moved to 6:30
docholoday: so, a showing at 4 and 6… damn
MagusXL: Are you saying no just to be negative?
MagusXL: Does this topic make you feel angry ?
docholoday: constantly
MagusXL: That is interesting. Please continue.
docholoday: hehe
MagusXL: That is interesting. Please continue.
docholoday: once… when I was a child…
MagusXL: Perhaps I already know you were a child.
docholoday: perhaps. and perhaps I beat shrinks with baseball bats in parking garages for kicks 😛
MagusXL: How likely, would you estimate?
docholoday: my batting average?
docholoday: about 350
MagusXL: But your batting average.
MagusXL: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?
docholoday: my bat… my bat belongs to me
MagusXL: Your bat?
docholoday: yes, the one I hit things with
MagusXL: Please tell me some more about this.
docholoday: well… I have this bat… and I beat people with it who ask too many questions
docholoday: the bat really seems to enjoy it
MagusXL: Do you say you have this bat for some special reason?
docholoday: yes, for beating
MagusXL: But your bat.
MagusXL: Please tell me some more about this.
docholoday: well, I really like bats. I own multiple bats. They’re good for different things. For example, the wooden bats are better for breaking bones, while the alluminum bats are better for quick hit and run beating.
MagusXL: Tell me more about that.
docholoday: which part?
MagusXL: That is interesting. Please continue.
docholoday: I see.
MagusXL: That’s quite interesting.
docholoday: My seeing?
MagusXL: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?
docholoday: My eye
MagusXL: Your eye?
docholoday: Don’t forget the other one. It’s important too
MagusXL: Let’s discuss further why your seeing.
docholoday: Because I have eyes… that’s why I see. I need to see in order to hit people with bats, thus my justification for sight is to injury other people who ask too many freudian questions
MagusXL: Your justification for sight is to injury other people who ask too many freudian questions?
docholoday: yup
MagusXL: Let’s discuss further why your eye.
docholoday: Because my nose doesn’t have good depth perception
MagusXL: Is it important to you that your nose doesn’t have good depth perception?
docholoday: not really
MagusXL: Let’s discuss further why your justification for sight is to injury other people who ask too many freudian questions.
docholoday: Let’s
MagusXL: Does that have anything to do with the fact that your nose doesn’t have good depth perception?
docholoday: Nope… that’s natures fault
MagusXL: Does talking about this bother you?
docholoday: nope… it only bothers my bat collection. I’m indifferent.
MagusXL: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?
docholoday: my indifference perhaps
MagusXL: Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?
docholoday: nope
MagusXL: Earlier you said your bat collection.
docholoday: The one I beat people with?
MagusXL: Why do you say The one you beat people with?
docholoday: Because it’s easier to beat them with a baseball bat then a large fish
MagusXL: Does that reason seem to explain anything else?
docholoday: My dislike for fish
…..
Score: Matt 1, Mindless Chat Bots 0.
UPDATE: Chip found the rest of the log, so I added it. Thanks Chip.
by Matt | Jun 10, 2003 | Imported Entry
Something new is coming… it’s cool… you’ll like it. It’s 99.9% done. I need to upload it and tweak it a little. It’s 3am… so I’ll do that tomorrow. Check back tomorrow afternoon… you’ll like what you see. I promise.
by Matt | Jun 9, 2003 | Personal
I need to be honest for a few minutes. I’m horrifically worried about not finding a job. The fear has been growing for the past month or so and is steadily getting worse. I’m hardly sleeping any more. I’m not really worried about not finding “something” but I’m constantly worried about not being able to support myself and Lauren. I feel like I’m more or less worthless, not having a job already. I also feel like the photography market was the wrong thing to get into. Don’t get me wrong, it was important for me to chance my dream of being a professional photographer, but I don’t know the first thing about being able to make money at it. I need a job with a steady, dependable income if I’m to support us and I’m really afraid I’m not going to find that. So what if I’m some photographers assistant, the money is probably crap. So what if I’m working at a newspaper, that money is probably crap too. I didn’t get a degree in anything computer related so it isn’t going to be easy to convince a company to hire me for my computer related skills. I have a fine arts degree. I’m a fucking photographer. I’m in debt. I don’t have the money to jump into a photo business with both feet, so I can’t make money on my own. I’m useless. I have no redeeming workplace value other than my ability to click a shutter or a mouse button. Who the hell wants that?
I’m over reacting a bit. I broke down a little while ago when I was on the phone with Lauren. I have faith that I’m going to find something, but I want to be good to Lauren and I want to be able to provide. I know it sounds sexist, but I want to wear the pants and bring home the bacon damnit.
I’m also scared. I’m a little fucking girl. I’ve always had talents, I’ve just never been able to convince myself that they’re of any use. I’m scared I’m not going to be good enough. I’m scared I’m going to end up penny-less and in a box somewhere. I followed my dreams and all they got me was debt. Some dream.
I’m scared.
There’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is try. I can try, hope for the best and hope everything works out ok in the end. But what if it doesn’t? What if I not only mess up my life, but the lives of everyone around me.
Everyone should stay away from me. I only bring people down. I’m the fucking Titanic and I just hit my iceberg. There aren’t enough lifeboats so you’d better get out now.
I’m scared.
I’m not usually scared. Usually I’m the strong one. Usually I give the advice. Usually I can see the bright side of life. It must be raining ’cause I don’t see jack-shit.
I’m going to bed.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow will bring hope. Or failure. But at least it’ll come. That’s always something to be thankful for.
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