New Phrase

by Matt | Mar 21, 2007 | Personal

With my vast wedding experience, I’ve decided to coin a new term. I’m hoping it gets absorbed into the daily English lexicon. Are you prepared?

“Wedding Lesbians”

The definition of a wedding lesbian is any girl who, after any number of alcoholic beverages, “dirty dances” with another girl, typically at a wedding reception. These girls are not lesbians in their daily sexual orientation. No, these are girls are only interested in other girls after a half dozen martinis and while listening to “Brick House”. Normally the effects of “wedding lesbianism” wear off after an hour or two or whenever the DJ plays something slow, whichever comes first.

See, you learn something new every day. Now, the next time you’re at a wedding and you see this phenominon, don’t hesitate to point out these people to other guests. When they ask you what on earth your problem is, just tell’em I said it was ok.

I always have fun being someone else…

by Matt | Mar 17, 2007 | Personal

Routinely, I give out fake information to people and businesses. I don’t do it out of spite… well… actually, yeah I probably do. I see zero need for the people at Best Buy, Circuit City, Radioshack, Home Depot or any of the other million buisnesses that claim they need that information, to actually have that information. I bought a DVD from them, that’s all they should care about. They don’t need to know my life story. Isn’t the fact that I’m buying Tombstone on DVD for the 4th time telling enough?

So, not seeing the need to treat these information whoring stores with any respect, I make up stuff. I do it daily. For the longest time I would make up someone completely. Biff Hardrock or Jonny Hammer, something like that. Unfortunatly, those sound like wrestling names. Come to find out that your average BestBuy employee goes home and watches nothing but WWE when their shift is done, and this started to raise a few eyebrows. So, I decided to find out exactly what level of education these folks have. If they can recognise my fake names, they’ll often smile knowingly and put the data into the computer anyway. I feel that in some small way I just made their day a little brighter.

I started off pretty hardcore, throwing around names like Kofi Annan, Dashiell Hammett and Dean Moriarty. Quickly realizing no one had any idea who those people were, I aimed a little lower. Currently I have three that I use interchangeably…

Arthur Dent, Art Bell and John McClane. You’d be surprised how many people just put stuff like this into the computer and don’t even think about it…

Arthur Dent
42 Beebblebrox Lane
Insert Town, State
whatissixtimesnine@gmail.com

I enjoy doing this way to much.

Temporary

by Matt | Mar 3, 2007 | Personal

I broke something in the theme I was using and I don’t have a free minute to fix it until Monday. So, until then, you get this K2 theme, TrueBlue, which is the only K2 theme I’ve ever gotten to work properly. Feature of note: Click the “older” button above this post, and you get a nifty little slider thing that will let you go back in time. Until Monday…

And I thought it was bad before…

by Matt | Mar 2, 2007 | Personal

I’m honestly amazed that people like Fall Out Boy are allowed to make records. I’m even more amazed that the new album (Infinity on High) deputes at #1 in the US and #2 in England, you know, where good music is supposed to come from. What the hell?

Something is seriously wrong with the public that buys this crap. It’s either that you people (the public, not my readers) are fucking stupid and deaf or it really is a conspiracy. At this point I’m leaning towards conspiracy, and I’m really not a conspiracy theory sort of guy. There’s no way anyone with a choice is listening to this stuff.

Then of course, we get into the whole “the radio plays what they want you to hear” thing, which, is nearly 100% accurate. I’ve literally heard people say “oh no, not this song again” when listening to the radio, and by the end they’re humming along. TURN THE RADIO OFF.

This is not an exageration: I have not listened to FM radio in 8 years. Now, I’m not counting things like background music in an elevator or a resturant, that sort of stuff in unavoidable, but I have no actively listened to the radio in a very very long time.

I can’t speak with any sort of authority on the frequency of air time on radio stations any more, but I’m guessing that the “pop rock” stations in every major market probably played the hell out of that “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race” track. It sucks a lot. Not a little, a lot. The album goes downhill from there.

Track 8 has clapping, Track 6 has a piano. What kind of crap is this? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a bigger attempt to sell out in my life. Every single track is radio friendly. They’re going to be playing singles off this for years. I bet they’ll pick up a Grammy too. How pathetic is that.

Please, for the good of our society, don’t buy this dribble. Don’t even pirate this dribble. It’s that bad.

Are there any review sites for music in the same style as RottenTomatoes is for movies? I’d love to read what other people think about this.