Postal Service

by Matt | Jan 9, 2009 | Aggravation

I have a few quick words of advice for our friends at the United States Postal Service. Specifically “please stop sucking”. I’ve got a package, from Amazon, floating around in the mail-room ether, because the USPS can’t seem to provide any tracking information like any of the other shipping companies. It’s really not that hard. Everything has a number and a bar-code. SCAN IT. Scan it when it arrives, when it leaves, when it goes on a truck, when it’s lonely and depressed and most importantly, when it gets delivered. Scan it on happy days, on sad days, on sunny days and on crappy Tuesdays in November when it’s raining and no one wants to go outside. Scan the fucking package like it was you job and you were fucking pleased to do it.

I don’t understand, even as a government agency, how you plan to provide good service and continue operating when you “update the tracking information every evening at 6pm”. Really? Is that really what your going to go? Because a whole lot of shit can happen between “Arrived in Houston” at 6pm on Thursday and 6pm the next day when it’s supposed to be delivered. Has my package been delivered? Is it stuck on a load dock somewhere? Has it gone missing? Is it still on time? I don’t know… because it’s not yet 6pm and I’m not fucking Sherlock Holmes. By the time they get around to “updating” their tracking information, I’ll be home already, and what fucking good does that do me?

Really, why do you even deliver packages USPS? What’s the point? UPS has got large packages covered, which they seem to enjoy mangling, Fedex has the “it needs to be there yesterday” market covered, and you, you have Christmas cards and Elvis stamps. Just stick to what you’re good at. Just deliver my Netflix and my birthday card from my grandmother and stop trying to be the “preferred” shipper of anything. Thank you.